I’m in trouble; I’m in big trouble. I do not know for sure where the problem lies. Or maybe I do. I just refuse to see it. Or I do see it and have managed to distort it into something more palatable. Let me tell you a secret. If you repeat something to yourself enough times, you will begin to believe and swallow it as a certainty; anything else becomes unacceptable. This much I learned. Who is to say you’re making a sure mistake, anyway? At one point in your life, this is what you wanted, and your resolution has, at least for a moment, become your truth. You can’t possibly be opting for the wrong thing; you’re simply choosing a particular set of consequences over another.
Now let’s consider the alternative. It’s predisposed to be messy and unnecessarily convoluted. It would most certainly trigger my aversion to unruly zigzags, volatile spikes, and winding spirals that go up then down then inevitably end up nowhere. Suffice it to say that the alternative can and will scare the crap out of me. Heightening perceptions, plumbing depths, pushing limits… Oh. Don’t get me started.
So why am I saying all this? Why am I putting the proverbial pen to paper to rehash a tiresome, arguably petty internal debate? To expect to learn something would be asking too much. But as always, putting it out there lends a breath of clarity I so crave and delight in. That in itself is enough. And maybe, just maybe, handing over this little dilemma of mine would help me sort this out somehow. So heads up, universe! Your immediate feedback would be very much appreciated.